Kung sana kasindali ng pagligo ang
paghugas ng kasalanan
huhubarin mo na lamang ang
maruming damit
at ilalagay sa labahan
babanlawan ang katawan
ng sanbaldeng tubig
at pagkatapos sasabunin
hanggang sa kasingit-singitan
para habulin ang duming masalimuot
at saka muling babanlawan
ng sanbaldeng tubig
doon ay dadamputin mo
ang isang malinis na bato
ikiskis sa balat
hahayaang matanggal ang libag
babanlawan ng isa pang beses
patutuyuin ang sarili
at muling magsusuot ng damit
nasa langit na tayo.

(april 1, 1996*paranaque)

background: well, this is a pretty old poem. and not well written at that. but i like the thought.

sa pagyabag ng iyong mga paa
dahan-dahan ang kanilang
pakikipagtallk sa lupa
ninanamnam ang bawat sandali
ng pakikipagtagpo
at unti-unting tinutulak palayo
upang palayain ka
mula sa kanyang mga bisig

binubulungan ka
nang pakikipagsayaw ng hangin
sa dahon ng punong acacia
na malayo pa ang iyong mararating

inaakit ka
ng mga bituin
sa kanilang sangtuaryong langit
na sundan sila
sa kanilang pagningning

ginagabayan ka
ng buwang sumusilip
mula sa dumadaang ulap
nagbabantay sa iyong pag-iisa

at ako naman
ay nanonood lamang
habang papalayo ka

background: again, there is no date. i have been trying to figure out what was the circumstance for this poem. initially, i thought this was what i thought jrst would have said to me as i was about to leave my jvp year. but i am more inclined to believe that i wrote this for trench coat guy when i asked him to go home our first night together, and that was how i remembered that moment. don't know really.

halika sumama ka
sa dilim
at duon kita
titingnan

nakita
at naipakita
ko na ang lahat
ng maari
sa liwanag

sa dilim
tahimik
ang lahat

at sa katahimikan
maririnig
natin
ang mahinang boses
ng kaluluwa

at duon
natin
malalaman ang
katotohanan
sa kadiliman

(1162000*21:59*manila)

background: apparently, i wrote this the same day as moonspell. anyway, this poem was supposed to have a play of font size and style but since i don't know how to do that here, this will do for the meantime. D and I were talking on the phone and I told him how more comfortable and more open I am when I talk to people in the dark. so i wrote this poem to illustrate my point. but when one of the other seminarians read it, he said, "kaw, ha, bastos ka pala." eng. not the point i was trying to drive at. but poems are supposed to be open to interpretation.

MOONSPELL

Tonight

She hears the fragile breath
of morning mists
swept from
that distant land
of longing and loneliness.
Brought together
with a question
whispered by quivering lips,
by the wings of lost sparrows.

Tonight

The gentle wind

senses the yearning in her soul
to touch the grimy sands
of unknown emotions.

Enveloping her being,
stripping her guarded walls
to bring back
those tender embraces
so long kept to herself

the moonspell has been cast.

(11162000*21:37*manila)

background: my correspondence with D through text and letters became frequent. the sincerity and vulnerability of his words have somehow drawn me to him. this was one result of those nights of thinking about us. euw.

i am

asking the man in the moon
why it smiles
on a dreary
September eve
at wandering strangers
that do not even look up.

i am

lost in the stras
that shimmer in oblivion,
searching the vastness
of black velvet skies,
running through
the thick softness
of wary mists

i am

dancing in the rain
to the rhythm of
earth and tears
with the boom of
the distant thunder
together with
images
of forgotten yesterdays
and anticipated tomorrows.

(11162000* 21:14*manila)

background: i wrote this while i was still in avellana. when there were moments that i just can't think, i would go out of the door leading to the garden and just watch the moon loom over the city. my thoughts would usually be about whether it sees me looking at it, too.

That night under the stars
blanketed by the velvet night sky
and lit by the shy moon
below the canopy of trees
sitting on the chiseled rocks
our feet resting
on the weeping grass.
The cold December wind
wrapped his arms around me
as he did to you.
I shiver not because of the cold
but because of the anticipation
of the words
that would come out of your mouth
into my heart piercing deeply
marking my life,
changing the fragile thread
that binds my soul.
Tears fell onto your palms
while my hand swept away the
soft hair falling over your eyes.
Painful memories that enveloped
your youth make you old
your eyes continue to glisten
as the moonlight danced in them.

That night under the stars
would soon end
drifting into oblivion,
not forgotten
but a distant memory.

background: as you can see, there is no date. i don't know when exactly i wrote this but i knew it was fourth year college. written for trench coat guy as a sign of remorse for having hurt him. at the same time, to write about that cosmic moment when i knew my soul connected with someone else's. this is one of my more favorite poems.

the stars in sabang

the stars in sabang
are less bright
they shiver in a distance
as they see
the sad stories
that people tell
lost in their own
wilderness

smiles that gleam wicked
as they stare
at fat pockets
filled with crisp bills

a woman gasping for breath
as her clothes cling
tightly to her body
a man smoking blue seal
cigarettes
winking, whistling
touching his groin
as he slowly undress
the other's dark soul
and his own

tears that fall
amidst false passion
silent moans of disgust
anger rushed by heady white powder
pain hidden by naked bodies

children
mothered by Swedish milk
sour to their parched mouths
dressed in American textile
itchy to their brown skin
fed by French poullet
not satisfying
the hunger for love

the old man
by the corner store
that sigh
as he reminisce
what was once a
quiet town
now buried by a barrage of lights
slowly poisoned
by the strangers
that claim only love.

the little stars
fade away
they cannot take much more

(082198*calapan city*b19)

background: it must have been a pretty inspiring day for me then to have written three poems of which i like all. anyway, sabang is the red light district of puerto galera. that is where we did adocumentary for the international year of the ocean. while researching, many other not so beautiful things about the place surfaced. and this was what i felt about it.

dog

you stay there
in that bench
warming you
from the hint of rain
away from the
cold concrete
that
you lay on
those past
summer days
that have come
and have gone.

all curled up
like a ball
that a little
cat would have
loved to play with.

your eyes
stare sadly
at me
as i pet
you good night.

wishing the same
way i do
that you can be
with me
in that cozy bed.

we are both alone
in our misery.

(082198*calapan city*b19)

background: written on the same day as kitten, ali our dog was all curled up on the wooden bench of our porch looking cold and sad. i just had to write about him, too.

kitten

i am sorry
sorry for having
taken you away
from the breasts
of your mother
as you suckle
to keep you for myself
to keep me warm
from the chilly
night wind
that wraps around me
pressing me closer
to his cold grasp

even if you
continue to squirm
away from me
wanting to go back
to the flowing milk
that is within reach
i keep you
to shield me
from hidden skeletons
that dance and bang
in my tightly shut
closet

it seems
my finger's
gentle petting
of your forehead
is not enough to
lull you to sleep
the way mama does
with her licks
you continue
to seek escape
from my embrace

finally
your claws
have found their way
into my flesh
drawing a drop
of blood

as i wince in pain
i open my arms
you flee
back to mama's
warm fur
leave me
frozen
in that icy
night of August
alone
in that empty house
only you
and your mother as company.

(082198*calapan city*b19)

background: i was just bored out of my wits so after being denied some play time by one of the kittens, i was able to write this.